B”H
As I got out of my car, I said out loud, “I don’t want to do this.” I was so nervous about what awaited me and if I would be up to the task of being a proper support. Beyond not wanting to do this for me, I did not want my friend to be in such a state that she needed round the clock support and that her family was put in this situation.
I walked in and the atmosphere was warm and inviting. The father was winding down a birthday fabringen. The girls were all around with the warmest welcome and sweetest smiles. It was actually a pleasure. Another woman walked over and asked if I was here for the night shift. When I said yes, she proceeded to tell me everything I needed to know. She told me to doze on the couch if I needed, to be on top of the nurse because she was extremely tired. She told me to rub Devorah’s arm and reassure her. I felt so much more relaxed and comfortable having more of an idea what the night would look like for me.
Devroah was very uncomfortable and agitated. She seemed nervous and worried about the long night ahead. She hadn’t had a good night sleep in several nights and we were hoping medicine could help her relax enough to fall asleep. Little by little, everyone retired for the night. It was the nurse, Sarahand myself. Sure enough Sarahfell asleep. I had plenty to do, catch up on chitas(daily studies), say tehillem (psalms), try and learn Basi L’gani (a complex Hasidic discourse), play some games…eventually I dozed off as well.
When there was beeping, I asked the nurse what was going on and she fixed the machines until the beeping stopped. At one point the machines all turned off and myself and the nurse jumped up. Baruch Hashem everything restarted and worked just right the rest of the night. At one point Sarahwoke up and was very upset. Myself and the nurse could not calm her. I called her husband on his cell phone and he came downstairs.
She automatically felt more at ease when her husband came. Though she didn’t have words, her husband understood her needs. There was something so deeply intimate about their communication. He was her voice. He was her advocate. He was so deeply devoted. As he reassured her that her numbers were good, he was able to try and catch a little more sleep before daybreak and before the impending snow storm.
Sarahwas uncomfortable and dosed in and out while trying to grasp small adjustments for comfort. Morning came and with it came the heavy snow. A new nurse arrived and Devorah’s daughter came and was by her side. It was time for me to head home but I really didn’t want to leave. I made my way home but couldn’t wait to come back.
After the storm subsided and the roads were drivable, I came back for a visit. I was met with the same warmth and sweet smiles of the family. Sarahslept most of the time and I said Tehillem by her side. At one point she awoke. When her 12 year old son saw her eyes open, he said with the sweetest joy, "Oh hey mom!” His eyes sparkled with delight. Devorah’s grandson had been circling around and every time he came into the dining room turned hospital room, he would point and say in his sweet 1 year old voice…Bubby…and he would smile. When Sarahsaw him, her eyes would light up. When she woke, she was extremely uncomfortable and needed the trek drained. All by her side tried to offer support and reassurance but her discomfort and fear were palpable. She wanted to be understood. Her husband understood her language. I needed to leave and return home. It was so hard to pull myself away even though I felt like I was doing very little to help. I left. When her husband returned, she was much better.
The gentle atmosphere of warmth, concern and love enveloped me when I first came. So sincere and so authentic. The bright smile of her son and the excitement of her grandchildren, the caring daughters offering reassurance and connection. The unspoken unity between husband and wife. A community pouring out to offer any support possible. The gentle reassuring caress of her arms and legs. The grasp of a hand looking for reassurance. Sometimes there is so much light generated in the darkness. May we merit Moshiach Now!